I have a secret to confess.

I have an alter ego.
And he's a superstar.
He's a world famous DJ called DJ DeeJay - and he pretty much created dance music.
I've even created a Facebook fan page for this mythical artist.
It's true - anyone with Facebook should do a page search for DJ DeeJay and become a fan - I've got 20-odd fans at the moment, the more the merrier.

There's a few funny things to point out about this little delusion I have.
Firstly, I do actually know the basics of DJing. A dear friend of mine once taught me how to - I even had my own half hour set put together. Unfortuntely I'm not quite good enough to command thousands of people at a summer festival, but maybe one day.

Secondly, do you have any idea how easy it is to get publicity for someone who doesn't exist in today's media hungry world?
I've had a mention on radio already - one of my work friends rang a friend of hers who was on the mike at an independent radio station one day who, during a break between songs, said "...and a big shout out to DJ DeeJay, keeping it real..."

The same friend is a contributor to our local street press. When asked at the end of last year to include her top five dance albums of the year, at number five she submitted "DJ DeeJay - Smashing the Awkwardness."

So, essentially, my alter ego who doesn't exist has had a mention in local print and radio.

The same friend from work has recently got a brand new Apple Mac. She, unlike me is a real DJ. So the point of my story is that, sometime in the next month or two, we're going to start putting together some actual tracks under the moniker DJ DeeJay vs DJ Lara H.
It's going to be awesome.
I'm so very excited :)

Stuff

I haven't blogged in a few days because I haven't quite known how to put into words what I'm feeling at the moment.
Without going into specifics, I've had a pretty crappy couple of weeks.
I've always been a believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe that my life is mapped out for me. Fate, God, whatever force it is pulling the strings, has my life plans written down in a little black book somewhere.

I wouldn't mind taking a look at that book someday. I know there's a silver lining to every crowd and all, there's just times when I wouldn't mind knowing what is going to happen. Did I make the right decision? Should I have done things differently?

I blogged a couple of weeks ago about how I don't do regret. Well, I'm living proof that things change. I'm not saying I'm regretting anything right now, but I'm fearful that decisions I make at the moment will make me regretful later in life. No regrets. It's easier to say with the benefit of hindsight.

For the moment, I'm just taking life a day at a time. I always feel it's easier to throw myself into work when I've got other stuff on my mind. You should see the amount of work I've gotten out of the way this week already...

Some like it hot.

But I sure as hell don't.
So I went to a very nice little Indonesian restaurant in Mt Lawley last night. I can't for the life of me remember the name but it was in a quiet suburban street surrounded by houses.
After choosing the dish I wanted I ordered - taking great care to pronounce the name correctly. Or so I thought.
The owner told me I needed glasses.
Anyway, that's by the by.
It was a lamb dish - bite-size pieces of lamb tossed through a cucumber, tomato, been shoot and green salad with a spicy sauce and some chopped fresh chilli.

Every time I try something with chilli I think that maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time it won't blow my head off and reduce me to tears.
It wasn't different. I nearly cried. Meanwhile, the lovely Phynea has ordered a rendang curry (of the 'burn your oesophagus' variety) and proceeded to sit there and tell me how hot it was through massive gulps of water.

I don't get it. Why do people enjoy the pain of chilli? For me, eating should be a pleasurable experience. Not one that leaves you red-faced, in tears, and throughly regretting it the next day.

My only regret is locking my keys inside the house the other day

Life is a funny thing, isn't it?
I've always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason. I've made some mistakes in my past, but as a general rule I've learnt from them and become a better person.
I think mistakes are character building. A mate of mine was telling me tonight about his biggest regret in life. He grew up in the UK and his dad died when he was at college at the age of 20.
He basically couldn't deal with everything that was going on at the time and bailed to Australia for a year.
He said his biggest regret was leaving the rest of his family behind to deal with it while he ran.
I don't do regret. It's not healthy. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Everyone has a few things they might have done differently at the time. But those things make us who we are today. I wouldn't be the person I am now if I hadn't stuffed up a few times and wanted to do a few things differently.
But there's no point worrying about things that have happened in the past. There really is nothing you can do to change it.

I should donate the proceeds from my blog

I'm trying really hard not to be cynical about the massive amount of fundraising that is going on at the moment for the horrific bushfires in Victoria.

I think, on the whole, people have the right idea and they mostly have the best intentions. I mean, any fundraising is good fundraising, right?
I guess for me, sifting through press releases for a newspaper, it gets a bit tiresome after finding out that every single business is doing one thing or another - mainly because I can't shake the feeling that they've got their caps out for a bit of publicity at the same time.

I received a press release last week saying a local beauty therapist would donate "some" of the money from every Brazilian wax she does to the bushfire victims. I have a few issues with something like this. Firstly, it seems to be trivialising the whole issue a tad. Secondly, she's only sending some of the money. And thirdly, in order for people to donate this way, they have to be thinking about their own self interest first.

But then I received one from a local dentist saying they would donate all the surgery proceeds from an entire day to the Red Cross. The dental surgery asked not to be named in the article, saying "it is not intended to promote ourselves but to generate interest for the charity event."
Good on 'em, I say. If it turns out I need a tooth pulled on February 21 I know where I'll be going...

I'll tell you about grief

I love theatre. I love musical theatre. Heck, I even love most forms of dance. I love going to the art gallery and I most certainly love to read.
I went to see a play last night, which will remain nameless, adapted from a book by renowned writer Joan Didion that explores the grief she goes through after losing her husband and daughter within a year of each other.

I'm thinking of looking into whether I can sue the theatre company for those two hours of my life back.
A two hour monologue was what it was. Now don't get me wrong, I quite like monologues, and the actress must be very talented to memorise two hours of words in one go. But it was like going to a book reading. Without the book. No scene changes, no other actors, nothing but a women talking about dealing with grief. It could have been good if it was an hour long. It could have been great if it explored the writer's raw emotions a little more. It could have been brilliant if it wasn't so self indulgent.
But it was none of these things.

A Complete History of My Sexual Failures

Awesome name for a movie, huh?
I went and saw this independent flick at Luna Outdoor Cinemas last night and thoroughly enjoyed it.
The premise is this - filmmaker Chris Waitt is single after a long line of broken relationships and sets about interviewing as many of his previous ex-girlfriends as he can. Which isn't many really.


It's a funny premise and a funny film. Once you start to watch it, you realise why Waitt has had so much trouble with successful relationships - he's a bit of a knob and, well, just plain weird.
But the movie does provide a lot of laughs - not least of which when he tries out S and M in an attempt to cure his impotence problems.

Apart from all that, it is a great study in the emotions involved in relationships. The ex-girlfriends Waitt talks to have a hard time revisiting the past - particularly if their memories of the relationship were less than great.
It made me think a bit about relationships. At the time, you might not realise it, but you're investing a hell of a lot of emotional energy into a relationship. If things go bad, feelings are trampled and there's not a hell of a lot anyone can do about it. But then, what's the alternative?

Anyway, the movie had a nice ending. It was good. Go see it.

This just in

Slip n slide soccer

Q. What's worse than playing indoor five-a-side soccer at 10pm at night on a Monday?
A. Playing it in 38 degree heat.

Seriously, it was horrific. I felt like I'd taken three baths by the time I'd finished. I must say though, I'm quite enjoying the opportunity to play team sports again. Not having played any team sports since I left school, I'm enjoying the opportunity to get out and increase my fitness levels on a regular basis. And I'm getting better as I go along too! Shame about the oppressive heat and late nights. Ah, the woes of a professional athlete...