Friday 26 June 2009

Grammarocities

I have been known in the past to blog about examples of grammar terrorism from time to time.
It was only after one of my accused grammar terrorists themselves, a man who is now a State senator, googled his name and saw it on my list of grammar terrorists that I decided to retire the list.

All that having been said, I came across this brilliant website the other day called The Grammar Vandal.

The first story that came up made me laugh out loud at work, so I thought I'd share it with you.
Enjoy.


She got what she deserved.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to someone who uses bad grammar?
A low grade on a paper? A mocking post on this blog? A scolding from a nearby grammarian?

Oh, it could be worse. You could find yourself face to face with James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
This is my new favorite entry on my new favorite Web site, fmylife.com:

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, “Your nuts!” She meant, “YOU’RE nuts.” I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence.

Okay. We know this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Anyone knows you don’t send naked pictures to someone you barely know. And I’m going to assume that these two people are over the age of 18, because if not, that’s a different issue altogether. Assuming they both are above the age of consent,

That girl got exactly what she deserved.

She mixed up “your” and “you’re” and thus was blinded with an image of the least attractive part of the male anatomy, an image that will likely stick in her mind for quite a long time.
It’s kind of like shock therapy, don’t you think?

(And, for the record, I feel like I need to say this to clueless straight guys of the world: No girl in her right mind will ever ask you for a picture of your nuts if she wants to be turned on. ANY other body part is understandable — NEVER the nuts. If she does, that’s a red flag. She’ll probably be forwarding it to her friends and laughing at you.)

What do you think? Did this girl get what she deserved?

Wednesday 17 June 2009

Warning: rant ahead

I'm going to wade into the trading hours debate just once and then leave it at that.
I know the arguments for and against. I used to work in an independent supermarket. All the small retailers say that they won't be able to compete.

But really, what it comes down to is that independent outlets will be forced to compete. They will be forced to charge reasonable prices for groceries and not the exorbitant, over-inflated prices they charge now.

The owners of the tiny little corner shop in my street (who I might add provide an invaluable service to the community) charge $4.75 for 2 litres of milk. That's nearly $5!! For 2 litres!!
Oh, and there are three Mercedes Benz cars regularly parked in the driveway of the adjoining house. Don't tell me they're doing it tough.

The owner of the Dewsons Supermarket I used to work at would rant and rave about how hard done by he would be if trading hours were deregulated. Yet he managed to scrape enough of a living each week to afford a two-storey mansion in a beachside suburb with a 40-foot boat parked out the front of his house. Cry me a river.

Independent supermarkets, Woolworths and Coles have co-existed side by side on the Eastern States for years with deregulated trading hours. What makes WA so different?

Friday 12 June 2009

Missed opportunity for a cracking headline

Bail for driver who rammed horse

8th June 2009, 19:30 WST

A taxi driver accused of driving his taxi into a police horse and trying to ram a police station was released on $1000 bail in Perth Magistrate’s Court today.
Alen Deniro, who faces three counts of failing to stop and two of reckless driving, allegedly sounded his horn behind three mounted officers in Lake Street in the city early on Sunday, then allegedly nudged a horse before fleeing.
His car allegedly went to the wrong side of the road and he ignored orders to stop.
Mr Deniro allegedly sped through red lights and drove on the footpath outside Perth police station, tried to reverse and was arrested after a struggle.
The matter was adjourned to June 29.


Seriously. Crazy taxi driver? Last name Deniro?? Come ooooonn!!!

Tuesday 9 June 2009

Allow me, if you will, to tell you a story.

It is a story of youth and coming of age, of broken promises and harsh injustices.

You see, when I was of school age my parents were fairly strict in terms of what I could and could not do. As far as parties went, I was not allowed to go to them unless mum had spoken to the supervising parent over the phone and had been assured there would be no alcohol at said party. Needless to say I went to very few parties (read: none).
So, when my Year 12 ball came up, I got quite excited. Briefly. You see, my parents told me that not only would I not be allowed to go to a pre-ball or after-ball party, but I was also not allowed to go in a limo to the ball.

The reason? Riding in a limo was growing up too fast.

Stupid reason, yeah? But whatever. I kicked up a fuss about it but to no avail. To my Dad's credit, he did hire me a very nice charter car to drive myself and my girlfriend to the ball. But the damage had been done. I wasn't allowed to "fit in" with the rest of my Year 12 classmates.

Anyway, the whole thing passed. I finished school, did well in my TEE and was subsequently allowed to do whatever the hell I wanted.
Then my younger sister had her ball. No such rule was imposed on her. Of course, my younger brother followed a couple of years later and he was allowed to drive in a limo, drink before and after, etc etc.

In the years since I have been trying to get my parents to admit they messed up on that one. Trying and failing. I don't want an apology, all I want is for them to say "Dave, we got that one wrong." Which is obvious, since they didn't continue the policy with my younger siblings.

What do you think, readers? Was I unfairly jibbed? Should my parents admit they stuffed that one up? Or should I just get over it? Join me next time for more tales from the Dave Side...

Thursday 4 June 2009

Cocaine

I watched this amazing show on ABC2 last night.
Alex James, the former Blur bass player, boasted once that he'd consumed $1million worth of cocaine. Subsequently, the president of Colombia wrote to him and asked him to visit his country so he could see first-hand the damage cocaine had done.

It was really full-on and really eye-opening at the same time. I would say a stand-out moment was the footage of the farmer turning the coca leaves into powder form to sell on to the distributors. He added cement and petrol to the leaves, along with a range of other chemicals, then dried out the sludge left over until it was all powdery. Gross.

Anyway I think BBC has posted pretty much the entire one-hour show on Youtube so you might be able to catch it on there.
Here's a short clip.




I would like to take this opportunity to remind Kate that I have her Alex James bio A Bit of a Blur sitting on my dresser at home, as it has done for a good year or two now. The fee for me returning it is a catch up drink sometime. Coincidentally, I also have Lindsay's Flight of the Conchordes CD. I'm not sure how long that's been in my possession...

Tuesday 2 June 2009

Birthday wishes

I didn't want to say this before my birthday on the weekend, mainly because I might have sounded a bit silly, but there was one thing in particular that I wanted more than anything else.
To not have a cigarette.

You see, I finished my Champix prescription (the medication I took to quit smoking) mid-week last week and I entered a long weekend (and a birthday weekend) with no medicinal back-up to stop me feeling cravings.
I was worried that me being in party mode would mean me thinking "ah, what the hell" and having a cigarette at some point.

But I didn't. I went through a weekend during which I spent time with some friends with whom I used to smoke regularly. I also had a rather extended drinking session on Sunday, all of which (I thought) added up to me being in a position where I would most likely find myself with a lit cigarette in my hand.

But I didn't. I didn't even have a craving. Not at one point over the entire weekend did I look at someone having a cigarette and wish I could have one.
And now, for the first time in my life, I really feel like I have successfully quit smoking. And that makes me pretty happy.