On a good day??

Working in an open office has its advantages and disadvantages.
I love being able to interact with fellow journos and have a laugh, or poke fun at some unfortunate individual who happens to find himself in the headlines.
However, when it comes to making personal phone calls in the open office people can sometimes forget others are in earshot.
I was greeted this morning by one of my esteemed colleagues, who arrived at work an hour and a half late, making a phone call to someone (god knows who - maybe Centrelink) to tell them about his life.
I don't know who he was talking to, but I heard about how he was divorced twice, came from a strict Catholic upbringing, had mental problems and had been on and off medication and in and out of hospital for them over the course of his life.
I also heard about how he had had triple bypass surgery, and a couple of heart attacks since then, but continued to heavily smoke cigarettes.
When asked how many, he replied: "On a good day, about 15. But on a busy day, and bear in mind I sometimes work 18 hours (which i find a little hard to believe) it can be up to 50."

Up to 50 cigarettes a day?? That makes me feel sick.
Seriously though, there's a line. If you need to talk with someone about the most intimate details of your life, it's not too hard to find a place where you're on your own.
I don't want to hear about it at 10am on a Monday morning - call me unsympathetic if you like but just keep it to yourself.

Dilbert

I have a nerd confession to make. I am a big fan of Dilbert comics. I know, I know, but if anyone's ever worked in an office they will understand the sense of humour - and so I couldn't resist posting this one for your consideration.

Vanstone Age ends

Yesterday was a good day for Australian citizens everywhere. At long last, the monolithic dinosaur that is Amanda Vanstone has decided to retire from politics. And in my humble opinion, the country is better off for it.
Mind you, I'd retire from politics too if I was offered a diplomat's position in Rome.
In honour of Vanstone's time in Federal Politics, I would like to draw your attention to the transcript of her interview with Andrew Denton when she appeared on Enough Rope a couple of years ago. It's a bit of a long read, but well worth it if only to see how Denton butters her up with easy questions about her star sign, pets etc only to blindside her when he cuts straight to the heart of the interview and asks her about children in detention.

The. Best. Ever.

I know it's been said before but after watching the latest episode last night, I just can't get over how much Heroes is my favourite TV program. Ever.
I don't know what it is, whether it's the X-Men style link to genetic mutations which give people super powers, or the fact that there are more twists and turns than a packet of crisps, or the fact that all the characters (who are so thoroughly well-developed) eventually meet up, but I love it!
I can't remember being into a TV show this much ever.
Sad I know, but just as long as no one tries to contact me between 8.30pm and 9.30pm on a Wednesday night, everyone's happy.

Kiss my ass, Ben Ruse

This week, I scooped the West :)
My front page story in the Weekend Courier about a lady who was trying to get Centrelink money from the Government came out last Friday.
Today, on page 35 of the West, is the same story - and the picture they took is even eerily similar to the pic we got!
I'm just a bit excited coz it's my first time, but here's hoping it won't be my last...
Yay!

You what?

I received a press release and copy of a CD from a local "musician" today.
The act is called Bucket of Pus, the album is called Raw and Sore.
And it is actually worse than you could possibly be thinking right now.
Here are some quotes from the press release:
"It's an album influenced by years of listening to metal, punk and some great Australian hard rock as well as playing in and watching so many awesome local bands."
(I should point out now that 'local' for this guy means Kwinana)
And another one:
"Some of the lyrics are pretty serious while others are bloody ridiculous!"
(Here, I think he may be referring to either song 4 - Phlegm Boogie, song 7 - Cone From Hell, or song 14 - Viagra Balls)
And finally:
"I love the rawness of it, it's real DIY stuff with a distinctly Aussie punk flavour."

Sold anyone yet?

1 Idiot vs 100

Last night, through no fault of my own, I watched Eddie McGuire's latest offering to the masses - the game show 1 vs 100.
Normally I am loathe to laugh at other people's misfortunes on game shows - let's be honest, they're easy targets and I'm sure if I were up there I'd do or say something stupid.
But this guy that came on last night took the cake.
This guy (who at first I thought was a dwarf but then realised he was just really short) rocked up onstage and was given the first question by Eddie.

Eddie: In which of these three countries to people drive on the right hand side of the road?
A) Australia B) UK or C) US
Idiot: Hmm, okay. Well I know in Australia we definitely drive on the left side, so we can take that one out.
E: Okay, how about the other two?
I: Yeah, I'm not too sure about them (I thought he was taking the piss but it turns out he wasn't) ... Well they've both got U's in them...

They've both got U's in them??? Well fucking done!!
And to top it all off, the guy goes for UK!!
Eddie basically saved him by telling him to think about it, so the guy goes for a lifeline!
Turns out 97 per cent of the audience think the answer is the US. Thankfully, he goes with them and gets the answer to the first question right.

My question is - what makes people think they are actually capable of going on a quiz show if they don't even know the answer to a question like that?? Aren't people who do those things meant to, you know, have a small amount of general knowledge behind them?
But I know what you're all thinking. Serves me right for allowing my brain cells to die off by watching an Eddie McGuire quiz show.

I'll give you five Indonesians for your three Cubans...

Well, here we go again.
Another immigration announcement by our "fair but firm" leaders in Canberra looks set to take Australia forward in great leaps and bounds - John Howard announced a deal to swap refugees with the US.
Swap???
What, are we playing cards now?
Seriously, I reckon that rates up there with one of the most ridiculous ideas I have ever heard.
According to our esteemed PM, it will discourage people smugglers because they won't be sure the refugees will get into Australia. Like the US is a deterrent?? If we really wanted to put in a deterrent, why not organise a swap with, say, Zimbabwe? Granted, they wouldn't have a massive refugee pool to tap into, but it would surely deter people if they knew they were going somewhere worse from whence they came.....

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club

In my job as a community newspaper journalist, I'm obliged to put up with some stuff that West journos wouldn't even think twice about dismissing.
Things like the local stamp collecting or gardening club making abusive phone calls because you didn't put their community diary entry into the paper this week and so now no-one's going to go to their meeting and the world's going to cave in and it's ALL MY FAULT.
Other times, I might go out on jobs and have little old ladies insist on making me cups of tea and sitting me down and telling me their life story.
Most of the time I don't put myself in a position where something like this can happen but, every now and then, if I can, I'll say yes to the offer of a cuppa.
Take today for example.
I get a phone call this morning from a lady who is visibly distressed, having had four out of the five wheelie bins in her unit complex set alight last night.
She offers me a cuppa and, because it's a good story and I want to get a feel for it, I accept.
Now, the upside of doing something like this and listening to someone's life story is that, perhaps because I work in Rockingham, the stories always make me realise how grateful I am for the life that I live.
This lady today started telling me about the vandalism to her bins, but i ended up listening to her stories about how her husband's dead and her son disabled, her son's crazy ex-girlfriend who bashed him until he left her (that's right, bashed him) who may have been responsible for the bins.
Or it may have been the kids around the corner who have been egging the house, breaking windows and damaging gardens ever since they were chased away on Halloween while on an eggingn expedition.
Or it could have been the girlfriend of the ex-neighbour who (allegedly) attempted to rape two of the elderly woman in the complex, this lady included, before they called the police, took to the witness stand and put him away.
And I listened to all of this, not because I'm a sucker for punishment, and not because of some misguided intention to make myself feel better about me, but because I realised that most of these people are just lonely.
All they want is someone to sit down and listen to them. You don't have to say anything, don't have to offer any advice, but just being there is enough.

ESPN'S "COLLEGE GAMEDAY" ANALYSES MY RECENT SEXUAL ENCOUNTER.

BY DEDE PRENO
- - - -
RECE DAVIS: Welcome back to Spirit Week! What a night for this young man out of the Midwest. Hubert, your thoughts on his offensive game plan?

HUBERT DAVIS: Well, I thought the inside-out approach worked well. Patience isn't his best virtue, but he relaxed down the stretch and worked the clock like a champion. He had crisp passes, and his soft hands worked the ball around well. He did get into trouble during the later stages when he wasn't communicating enough, but he managed to stave off the rust and put in a real solid effort against a sizeable opponent.

DIGGER PHELPS: What I really like about this kid is his tenacious attack on the offensive end. It reminds me of my time at Notre Dame—always upset-minded! He really hits the hole like a man on a mission. I haven't been really impressed with his recent performances. He's struggled offensively, and has been shut out from scoring altogether several times in the past couple of months. He finally seems to be off the schneid with this latest conquest, although his opponent wasn't of the quality we like to see this close to March. However, she was big, and guarded the lane like a pack of wild dogs!

JAY BILAS: Dede Preno is a crafty veteran not gifted with great length or tremendous size down low. At times, he becomes frustrated, and his quickness can become a real liability. He has been reckless in the past and it has gotten him into lots of trouble. However, it's his effort that really captivates. He penetrates well, and if he can stay consistent with the upbeat tempo, I believe he'll have a successful March.

Article sourced from http://www.mcsweeneys.net/